By: Donna Selma Lind
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| "But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known." Luke 12:2 |
I think I put my first mask on at about the age of six years old. I discovered this a few years ago when I was looking back at some old family movies. There was a film of my little sister and myself playing, my Dad was correcting me for not doing something the right way and I remembered that I felt like I had disappointed Daddy. I thought I wasn't good enough and I wanted to be a good girl and make my Daddy proud.
So I put on the Mask of Perfectionism.
"If I could be perfect maybe people would love me."
This set the beginning of a course (or should I say curse) that nearly destroyed me throughout my life.
I put on my second mask at twelve years old when my parents separated and later divorced. My"perfect family and life" was broken. The pain was unbearable. So I put on the Mask of Fixing.
"If I could fix everything, we could have our family back."
My baby sister Tammy Sue was only fourteen years old when she died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. I was seventeen and the grief and loss was so heavy. I was a senior in high school and already working a part time job,I decided to get a second job to keep busy.
So I put on the Mask of a Workaholic.
"If I could work two jobs and go to school it would help me forget and numb the grief."
I got married at nineteen. For the next twenty plus years I wore alot of masks. It's what some of us do when we find ourselves in a place we never thought we would be. I married an alcoholic that was very abusive to me. Although he had some great qualities, he was very troubled. When you love a person and they are in pain like this, their pain becomes your pain, and when you don't know how to help them get better or they won't get help it can make you sick also just in different ways. So we hide behind our masks.
Some of the masks I wore in my marriage were:
* Mask of Fear.
"If people find out, or if I tell anyone the truth, what will they think? I am afraid there will be consequences to pay."
* Mask of Co-dependency.
"I'm the only one. They need me. They said they can't live without me"
* Mask of Pain, Despair and Sickness.
"If I can just keep it all inside, stuff it and not tell anyone, no one will know the truth. Just hold on a while longer it will get better."
This mask almost became my death mask. It's a story for another time but I spent many years literally on my death bed. Dozens of operations, procedures and illnesses that left me in chronic pain and sick on a daily basis for most of my life.
* Mask of Divorce, Shame, Guilt and Failure and Grief.
In the end when there was no other choice except for Divorce or my own death I chose Divorce. Not what I ever wanted nor ever considered for my life, but it was where we ended up. I wore the Masks of Divorce, Shame, Guilt, Failure and Grief all at the same time.
These masks I wore for a long time because not only did I experience the Divorce but two days after the Divorce the unimaginable happened when my husband took his own life and committed suicide. I cannot express my feelings or put into words my pain and devastation.
The shame, guilt, failure and grief I went through and the years of hiding behind the masks that I lived.
But I lived.
But for the Grace of God, I lived!
And because Jesus Christ lives in me I can face another day without wearing anymore Masks!
Because Jesus Christ loves me I am free to live! I am no longer in captivity trying to be perfect because Christ is perfect in me!
I am no longer a slave to fixing everything and working myself to death along with fear, shame and guilt!
Please don't Judge me or others. No one but the Lord knows the pain we hide behind our Masks!
Jesus Christ came to set me free from pain and a life of wearing Masks!
He came to set you free too!
What or Who are you hiding from?
We cannot hide from God. He knows all and He is the only one who knows the truth about you, your life and your situation.
God knows what is behind our Masks. Let's all make today the day we remove our Masks and be brave and bold and real enough to live without a Mask!
What are the Masks you are wearing?
"For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."Colossians 1:13-14
Are you ready to take off the Masks?
"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.
2 Corinthians 3:16
Somebody out there needed to hear this today. If this testimony has helped or blessed you in anyway, please leave me a comment or email me. I would love to pray for you!
If you think this could help someone else please share this with them.
Thank you and God Bless you!
